Marcus Daniell | The Truth About Parenting Young Athletes

I think you should talk with a guy called Hamish Kerr. Who? Is the most dominant high jumper in the world right now. He's Olympic champion, world champion, Diamond League champion and I haven't dived into this with him. But he smiles. Before every jump. And I think you having to talk to. Him about mentality and how he approaches competition. I think there could be something really interesting there. I would love to if you can put me in touch and it would be an absolute pleasure.

Welcome back. Marcus was great speaking to you about your part, but now we flip the mic and it's your turn to put me in the hot seat and ask me a few questions. And you're bushwhacking me, so this will be interesting. I'm looking forward to this. Yeah, thanks for having me back. I have a 13 month old boy so parents for the first time and in my life I've seen a lot of pretty terrible parenting around sport. And I'm sure. As a coach, especially as a coach who's who's lead Academy is, you've seen some pretty, pretty intense stuff from parents.

So the first thing I want to ask you. Is what are the most common. Things you see. Parents get wrong with kids who are who are in sport and can play to a high level. And what would one piece of of advice be if you had to try and narrow down on the on the single most effective piece of advice for parents? Yeah, great question and I definitely have some some perlers here. The first thing is basic psychology. Basic psychology in a lot of people's minds is if somebody's not winning, they're not trying hard enough or they don't want it enough.

And that is just simply untrue. A lot of the time players maybe check out because of the pressure and look like they're not trying, but they're not and and they aren't really trying as hard as they can because their mind is in a place that is so fried that they can't. But you know, no player goes on court and on set point goes, hey mom, hey dad, watch this easy for and I'm going to put it in the back fence. Or. If they do. That's at the end of. The Journey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't do these things on purpose.

And so that's the first thing is that basic psychology is terrible psychology generally. And, and parents need to be, it's if, if a kid likes playing and they're showing signs of not giving their best in matches, you need to find out, you know, with, with more, with questions like, you know, what would it take for you to enjoy your tennis a bit more? What would it take for you to, you know, run harder for the ball that that type of questioning rather than accusing them of not trying or, you know, you wasting my money, you know, with lessons and everything like that.

So that leads me to a second thing is you cannot blackmail somebody into being good. You know, you know, we've spent all this money on you and, and look at what you do with it. All that did is pass guilt on to a player and that's adding to the pressure and adding to the anxiety. And they know that you're spending money on them. You don't have to tell them. And also if you start to look at sport as an investment in them as people just like school. So people will not bat an eyelid, you know, paying $100,000 to a private school or whatever to get the best education for their kids, but they'll go crazy about spending, you know, 20,000 on their tennis or whatever sport it is, not understanding that actually that's just as good an education as they're going to get in this private school.

So I think if you see the investment, see sport as an investment in them as people rather than this is an investment where I need to get a return on my a monetary return on my investment. Your return may eventually be monetary if they get good enough. But then as people, the return will be far more, especially if you handle it look well as a parent. So the third thing is you can't shame someone into being good. You see this a lot. If you weren't so bothered about what people think of you, you know you would play better tennis.

Anything that shames your kid is is just the wrong way, because all shame does is actually put guilt into the player and makes them feel like they're inadequate. I'm not good enough because I'm told all the time that I should be doing better. If I really appreciated what they did for me, I'd be doing better. Those are things really to avoid. And the other thing is if you've been on a, you know, you don't know too much about the sport and you're going on the journey with the kid. And I see there's a lot with parents is they're around the sport for four or five years.

So they're one of them all maybe senior parents, you know, and they suddenly start to think that they know the sport. And that is very, very arrogant because they'll start to maybe, and you know, I've had those parents start telling you how to do your job. Hold on a second. You've been in the sport for, you know, five years following your kid around and suddenly you think you know what they need and you know, you're not going to tell the experts like, you know, you wouldn't go in a doctor's surgery and say, hey, look, mate, you know, I've, I've, I've Googled a few things now and and I don't think this operation needs to be done.

They wouldn't think about doing that. But with with sport, parents can very quickly start to think that they know a lot and then they start to try and coach the kid and that that is a disaster because the kids then going to get some very poor messages from the parent. So from from what you've? Said there there's. A concept called. Growth mindset, that seems to me to be the thing that. You would push. Parents towards is like trying to instill a growth growth mindset in kids. So it's it's it's not about blackmailing, it's not about shaming.

It's about rewarding effort and celebrating, celebrating the process rather than like. Then the result is that. Would that be a fear? It definitely is. I mean, don't forget there are kids and sometimes kids do need to kick up the ass and and and you and sometimes you just say, look, you know, today the way you were on court is unacceptable. And I don't mind watching you win or lose, but I'm not going to watch somebody who's going to be dinging their racket 50 times and moping around the court. That's unacceptable behavior.

I understand the odd Ding. I understand the odd screaming out. I understand pressure that these things can happen. But when it's just this ongoing, you know, and you know, or you know, when the when the behavior is unacceptable to you as a parent. And that's not the trying hard it it's it's it's the behavior that is coming from somewhere and then try to investigate. What is it about today that made you feel so bad on court? Because I don't want to watch that again. Got a a suggestion for parents who want their kids to stop banging their racket on the ground.

If they break their racket, then they have to earn the money to buy another racket by shoveling the shit from underneath the woolshed. That'll teach a That'll teach a kid very, very quickly. Yeah, well, I mean, beyond Borg, you know, when his parents took away his rackets and didn't allow him to play for a month? Yeah. Didn't throw a racket after that again. So yes. And, and that is, that is acceptable because it's a consequence of what they do. But just shouting at them and telling them that, you know, it's unacceptable, you can't do this.

And you know, if you do that again, you know, I won't pay for your lessons or anything like that. It's like, OK, that's unacceptable. If you do that again, OK, I'm going to take your rackets away for a month. OK. But the danger of something like that is in the heat of the moment when it's actually, I wouldn't say justified, but pressure can get and and something happens. You you started getting that, that Gray area, you know, I think, you know, your, your way is, is a little healthier. Is that OK?

If you do it, you're going to have to shovel shit from that, you know, which is not hurting their tennis in any way, you know, you know, you, you got to be pretty certain that your kid can keep the racket in their hand under the extremists of pressure before you're going to say if you ever do it again. It's like yelling out, you know, you know, I don't want to hear you scream out if again, you know, yeah, it's not always, it's not always that easy. And I think, you know, in time, players understand reality and they understand when when you're being fair or unfair.

And I think that it's really important to be fair. And, and I think also what I said earlier, it's really important to try and find out, you know, what it is that's causing them to feel that way. And if you can get to that, then maybe you can, you know, help alleviate the pressure for them a little bit. I like that, I'm aware. We've got 4 minutes. So I'm going. To I've got three more questions for you and let's try and make them. Short. Quick. Fire unless there's. Something you want to dig deeper into?

Who do you think the best? Player in the world is when they're nervous and why. I mean, right now I'd say, I'd say Alcaraz. And the reason I'll say that is because a lot of the time he plays with a smile on his face, even under pressure. And I think he has a very good feel as to when to put the ball in the court and when to go for it. And if it, if it's a moment to go for it, I don't think he hesitates. He just says, OK, there's a moment to go for it. If you had to say all time. Who would you say?

I mean all time, I think, you know, I'm going back while I think beyond board was unbelievable. You know somebody who who never said a word on the court, positive or negative, you never saw him like fist pumping or anything like just Iceman. I mean, if you think of doing that, nobody had really done that before and and nobody's done it since. And there are people that have been ice, but they'll still be really positive. Sampras was kind of pretty close, but he could really give a good fist pump and stuff like that ball nothing.

And I think it he created a myth that he was ice under pressure and he was very good under pressure. Backed it up. It sort of reminds me of Federer in a way. Like most of the time nothing but extremes on both ends. And. Especially the extreme on the negative end could actually shake people and turn a match. Yeah. He didn't. He very rarely exploded, but when he did, you could see his opponent was like, oh, OK, yeah. And yeah, and a couple times Borg in his pro career and never did that at all on both ends.

That's outrageous. Is there a character trait that you think best correlates with a tennis player being successful? I'm going to be a little bit maybe controversial here. I have a sneaky suspicion that introverts make better tennis players. And I don't really believe in introversion as such, because I believe if you introversion happens when you're uncomfortable in any situation. And extroverts are just people who are more comfortable in, in more situations. So people think they're extrovert, but you can take any extrovert and put them in an, in a, in a situation where they're uncomfortable and they become introverted.

But introverts have to slowly extrovert themselves as they get better and more confident. And I think that struggle to, you know, you know, Federer was very introverted when he first started, but you see he's a statesman now. His confidence, his ability, you pretty much say he's an extrovert now. Yeah, it's interesting. I was going through the. That way and, and I think a lot of people just think, you know, the loud and everything you know, and, and, and you'll have a lot of athletes say that basically I'm introverted, but the sport kind of forced me to come out.

And I think I have a suspicion that that struggled to really bring your personality out is part of the the, the toughness that they gain. Obviously they'll be natural extroverts who who are very good as well. But if I look back, a lot of top athletes started as introverts. I mean. Thinking it. Through from the surface 3 of the big four, one of the big two. Now I'd say on on face value, introverts. Yeah, but yeah, getting so good they they forced to become, you know, more and more extroverted and of course I get so comfortable with being stars that that.

Helps. Yeah. Well, Dave, I think that might be all. We have time for all. Right. Well, yeah, I know you're very pushed for time today, so that's great. If you can let me know who you think I should have on the podcast and, you know, not next, but as a guest. And if you can't come up with a quick answer, that's fine. You can let me know. I'm going to give you some on does it have to be from the tennis? World. No, absolutely not. I think you should talk with a guy called Hamish Kerr. Who? Is the most dominant high jumper in the world right now.

He's Olympic champion, world champion, Diamond League champion and I haven't dived into this with him. But he smiles. Before every jump. And I think you having to. Talk to him about mentality and how he approaches competition. I think there. Could be something really interesting there. I would love to if you can put me in touch and it would be an absolute pleasure. I will. I'll do that. Marcus, thank you very much for your time. It's been an absolute pleasure as always, and good luck with everything that you do.

Thanks a lot, Dave. Same to you. For watching Locker Room Power with David Samuel, if you enjoyed the episode, hit subscribe and leave a comment on your favorite platform. See you in the next one.

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